Nightmare

The worst nightmares I have are ones when I dream about waking up. I think I am in my own bedroom, and it looks like my bedroom, just for one tiny detail … like a big spider hanging from a ceiling or a blond woman sitting on my bed watching me with concern.  Then I wake up again, screaming … and I remember everything. Usually I don't remember my nightmares, perhaps just a sense of fear, or not even that, just that I dreamt about something bad or strange in a detached way, as if it was not me dreaming.

This painting is a combination of an art nouveau relief of a woman's face among foliage and a nightmare I had years ago, while sleeping in my gran's house, which at dusk became scarier and scarier until I used to stare into the darkness until I was too tired to stare. The house still makes my imagination run wild in a strange way, only I don't sleep there anymore. I opened my eyes into a dark room to see a woman's face in shades of grey hovering above mine. The scary part was that it was my face …

Najhujše more imam takrat, ko sanjam, da se zbujam. Takrat mislim, da sem v svoji spalnici. Res je videti kot moja, razen male podrobnosti, kot na primer velikega pajka, ki visi s stropa ali svetlolase ženske, ki sedi na postelji in me zaskrbljeno opazuje. Potem se kriče znova zbudim. Takih sanj se še dolgo spominjam, za razliko od drugačnih mor, od katerih se spomnim samo strahu ali občutka, da se mi je sanjalo nekaj slabega ali čudaškega, vendar se tega spominjam na nek distanciran način, kot da se ne bi sanjalo meni. 

Slika je nastala kot kombinacija art novojevskega reliefa z obrazom ženske med zelenjem in more, ki se je spominjam izpred let, ko sem spala v hiši moje babice. Hiša je bila podnevi kot druge hiše, ponoči pa me je bilo vedno strah, da sem strmela v temo, dokler nisem bila preutrujena od strmenja in sem zaspala. Morda bi bilo še vedno tako, le da ne spim več tam. Takrat se mi je sanjalo, da sem se zbudila, odprla sem oči v temo, skozi katero se ni nič videlo, razen ženskega obraza, ki je lebdel nad mojim. Obraz, ki me je gledal, je bil moj …