Never an Absolution

Lately I've been thinking about viewers of my paintings. I would like them to disregard what I'm trying to say with my art. They cannot see inside of my head to read my thoughts. Even if I tell them what my intention behind a certain painting is, I just might change my mind after some time when I see my painting in a different light. Sometimes the change is so big, I feel as if another person created it. All in all, I'd like my viewers to find something of their own in my paintings, based on themselves, their personalities, expectations, dreams, whatever they carry within them. They don't have to know anything about me.

So, what is my role in this? If I expect them to approach my paintings without prior knowledge about them or about me, why wouldn't I approach a blank canvas with nothing on my mind. No story, no concept, no apparent inspiration, just the canvas and me. And the first colour that pops into my mind. My theory is that stories always catch you, they find you no matter how you ignore or disregard them. 

This work is a polyptych, composed of five parts so far. There are blue and green glazes in the background and indecipherable writing that doesn't mean anything.  The main part is a graffiti-like tangle of letters stretching over all five canvases. I used to prop the finished paintings against a chest of drawers just to watch them and think. The more there were the more I saw water in them, I could almost hear it gently undulate. The tangle of letters floats on water's surface, playing with it, dancing with waves. But it never sinks. And then I remembered the first track of Titanic soundtrack. It sounds ancient, Celtic. My paintings have nothing to do with the movie, but they might have struck a chord inside of me to make me remember that track - Never an Absolution.

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Zadnje čase razmišljam o gledalcih mojih slik. Rada bi, da jim ne bi bilo pomembno kaj želim povedati s slikami, saj se ne morejo preseliti v mojo glavo, da bi videli o čem razmišljam. Tudi, če jim razložim moj namen, sporočilo, zgodbo, ki je v ozadju, kako vedo, da se ne bom čez čas premislila, ko bom slike videla v drugačni luči. Včasih je ta sprememba tako velika, da se mi zdi, kot da bi jih naslikala druga oseba. kakor koli, rada bi, da bi gledalci v mojih slikah našli nekaj svojega, nekaj kar bi jih nagovorilo, njih same, njihove osebnosti, pričakovanja, sanje in vse kar nosijo v sebi. Ni jim treba ničesar vedeti o meni.

Kakšna je potem moja vloga? Če od gledalcev pričakujem, da bodo gledali moje slike brez predhodnega znanja o njih ali o meni, zakaj ne bi jaz sama pristopila k platnu brez zgodbe v ozadju. Nobene zgodbe, nobenega koncepta ali očitnega navdiha, samo platno in jaz. In seveda prva barva, ki mi pride na misel. Mislim, da nas zgodbe vedno ujamejo, vedno pridejo za nami, ne glede kako se jih trudimo ignorirati.

 

Delo je poliptih, za zdaj sestavljen iz petih delov. V ozadju so modre in zelene lazure in besedilo, ki nič ne pomeni. V prvem planu je preplet črk, podoben grafitu, ki se razprostira po vseh petih slikah. Medtem ko so nastajale, sem jih naslanjala na komodo, samo da sem jih lahko opazovala in razmišljala. Bolj ko sem jih gledala, bolj sem v njih videla vodo, skoraj sem lahko slišala nežno plivkanje. Preplet črk plava na gladini, igra se in pleše z valovi, vendar se nikoli ne potopi. Nenadoma sem se spomnila filmske glasbe iz Titanika, prve pesmi na cedeju. Zveni arhaično, keltsko. Slike nimajo nobene zveze s filmom, kljub temu pa so me spodbudile, da sem se spomnila te pesmi.